This past weekend was to be a weekend of rest and rejuvenation but instead turned into a battle to breathe and withdrawal from pain medications. I stopped the pain medications on Saturday morning primarily because I wasn't hurting that bad and I didn't like the lightheaded/sleepy feeling I received with each dose. Throughout the weekend, I experienced minimal pain but struggled mightily to breathe such that I could wear myself out every hour just struggling to get air in. Attended a Saturday night barbecue at a neighbor's house and within 30 minutes, had to go home and sleep the rest of the night. Sunday was worse. Never could get out of bed until Emily dragged me with her grocery shopping and again, had to sleep the rest of the day after getting home. Received a pep visit from Doug and Miso and that cheered me up.
In recalling this, I find it again somewhat humorous that all of my issues thus far stem from everything ASIDE from my cancer. In trying to obtain a formal diagnosis, I have endured more than I had ever thought was possible in this situation. I find myself pondering how different things could have been if my first slides had not been lost/misplaced/had more tumor on it, had not had the CT guided biopsy, or just gone ahead and done the big whack and gotten the whole primary out. The latter would likely had me in a similar position, but the former might have allowed me some semblance of normality in my life. Water under the bridge but still a thought that pops up even now as I struggle to breathe while typing.
As always, Emily has been my super positive cheerleader, never letting me sink too low and never letting me forget to at least try to get on my feet. I can only wonder what my state would be if she was not who she is or was not in my life. I imagine a very different situation without her in my life.
Today, I will be readmitted to Baylor Plano Hospital for further evaluation and tests for this shortness of breath. I wouldn't mind finding out it is all in my head, but at this point, I kind of doubt it. CT Angio for ruling out pulmonary embolus seems reasonable and a full battery of spirometric tests likely. Where they lead from here is anyone's guess. Surgery? Breathing treatments? Supplemental oxygen or breathing apparatus? Who knows. Anything to be able to draw a deep clear breath without using all my strength.
In the interim, I remain vigilant and continue to keep myself on as even a keel as I can. Trying to maintain my sense of balance gets to be a challenge periodically but everyone's thoughts and prayers have been a tremendous boost. Keep those who suffered through last night's tornadoes in your prayers as their journey is just beginning and needs your support to reach its conclusion.
In recalling this, I find it again somewhat humorous that all of my issues thus far stem from everything ASIDE from my cancer. In trying to obtain a formal diagnosis, I have endured more than I had ever thought was possible in this situation. I find myself pondering how different things could have been if my first slides had not been lost/misplaced/had more tumor on it, had not had the CT guided biopsy, or just gone ahead and done the big whack and gotten the whole primary out. The latter would likely had me in a similar position, but the former might have allowed me some semblance of normality in my life. Water under the bridge but still a thought that pops up even now as I struggle to breathe while typing.
As always, Emily has been my super positive cheerleader, never letting me sink too low and never letting me forget to at least try to get on my feet. I can only wonder what my state would be if she was not who she is or was not in my life. I imagine a very different situation without her in my life.
Today, I will be readmitted to Baylor Plano Hospital for further evaluation and tests for this shortness of breath. I wouldn't mind finding out it is all in my head, but at this point, I kind of doubt it. CT Angio for ruling out pulmonary embolus seems reasonable and a full battery of spirometric tests likely. Where they lead from here is anyone's guess. Surgery? Breathing treatments? Supplemental oxygen or breathing apparatus? Who knows. Anything to be able to draw a deep clear breath without using all my strength.
In the interim, I remain vigilant and continue to keep myself on as even a keel as I can. Trying to maintain my sense of balance gets to be a challenge periodically but everyone's thoughts and prayers have been a tremendous boost. Keep those who suffered through last night's tornadoes in your prayers as their journey is just beginning and needs your support to reach its conclusion.
Prayed and Fasted for you Saturday....If you have the strength, read Isa 58- or have it read to you..... I haven't met you yet, but know that you're a very good man, and absolutely belong within the Kingdom of God. I prayed for God not to heal you, but to BLESS YOU- to be WITH you, and In you. Hang in there.... you are certainly "one tough man" and we need more of you around.
ReplyDeletejw, I thank you for the strength of your words and conviction. Today has been an emotional day discovering that all I have endured these past two weeks were unnecessary, but I will find the strength to forgive and move forward.
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