I awoke the next morning tired, depressed, and confused. Emily would have none of that. Taking me with her to drop the kids off at school, she called our neighborhood friends on the way home and once home made me walk with our neighborhood friends on that beautiful Wednesday morning to the local coffee shop. It is amazing how enjoyable that something so simple as walking with your spouse to get coffee becomes when you give yourself the time to do that and don't just grind yourself into the ground at work. Slowly my mood improved and with the good cheer and smiling faces of our friends, I slowly worked out of my funk. A few jokes even escaped my lips.
Nowhere have I felt so special than in our close knit neighborhood combined with all of our special friends at our multiple work sites. I walked home with my wife somewhat rejeuvenated and was able to bring myself to start planning the tasks I needed to plan out for my treatment. Still physically drained by a month of pneumonia, however, I felt the ebb of my energy weigh down my newfound enthusiasm. Again, I slept with dark thoughts and again I awoke depressed but this time with a superimposed feeling of super anxiety. Asleep, awake, asleep, awake, the cycle continued. Finally it was time to pick up the kids from school. After that, we went to a Jamba Juice where I enjoyed my first shot of liquid wheat grass. A little late to eat healthier? Maybe but what have I got to lose.
A repeat of the prior day with the kids activities and then home again to depression when alone or with nothing else to preoccupy my thoughts. That night, I received a call from Dr. Michael Rimlawi regarding a business venture. Promising news meant nothing to me. As he finished his dialogue, I thought of just acknowledging the news and hanging up. I didn't want him to share my misery. I wasn't sure I should tell anyone else. In the end, as my friend, I felt he deserved to know.
"Mike, I have cancer. Lung cancer."
"What??? Are you *****ing kidding me? How?"
"Mike, I have stage IV lung cancer. I'm really tired and depressed."
"Norm, you know we have all appreciated everything you have done for us and I can't believe this is happening! You know if there is anything I can do for you, you have it! Norm, I can't believe this is happening!"
"Trust me neither can I. You remember how I was berating my brother for giving me pneumonia, well today, I called him and thanked him for giving me pneumonia. He asked me why and I told him, otherwise I wouldn't have found out that I have cancer. He asked me if he was supposed to feel happy or sad and I told him happy because otherwise I would have never found out about it."
Thoughtful and wonderful promises of support followed and we concluded our conversation with me feeling happy to have great friends.
Perhaps 30 minutes later, another special friend, Dr. Douglas Won, called me upset, emotional, and stunned with the news. I felt bad not calling him these two days, but I had no desire to spread my confusion, anger, sadness, and depression.
"Hey Norm, I just heard the news. I'm stunned, I can't believe this! It's not fair! Norm, we're going to beat this mother******! Don't give up! You are going to be here for years and we're going to look back on this time and laugh about what we thought was the end! You've gotta fight! You can't quit! I love you and I won't let you quit! You have a beautiful family that needs you and you need to be there for the rest of their lives!"
"Doug, I will fight, but I need you and everyone else that I know to promise me to take care of themselves. IF there is one thing GOOD that comes from this, I want to know that all of my family and friends are taking the time to rest, spend time with family, friends, and loved ones, and aren't driving themselves into the grave. No one goes to the grave wishing they had worked a few more days. I need you to promise me that you will REST and take care of yourself. I promise you I will fight."
"You better fight! I'm going to call you every morning, every day. I'm here for you my brother. I'm here to see you through this! Fight! Don't give up! I won't let you do that!"
"I will fight, but I need you to promise me, Doug, that you and Miso will take care of my family if I can't beat this. I need to know that my kids will have a mentor and father figure to look up to and that they will never want for something they need. Promise me that."
"I promise you that. Your kids are my kids. Your family is my family. I will take care of them, I promise you, but you are going to beat this! You are going to kick cancer's ass!"
"I will fight. Today has been the best day of my life and all I did was take time off and walk with my wife outside to a coffee shop holding her hand, listening to the wind rustling the leaves of our neighborhood red oaks. Isn't it amazing how wonderful things are when we actually take time out of our hectic lives to actually enjoy the simple pleasures! You have to promise me Doug that you will do that. I can't go to the grave knowing my friends are following me down the wrong path!"
"I promise you my brother! We're going to fight this! Don't give up!"
"I won't. Take care of yourself Doug."
It's amazing what you can remember in life's most emotional moments. I told my wife who I had spoken to and what promises I had made. I intend to keep them. Miso would later tell me that Doug was so affected with the news that it took him some time to compose himself to make the call to me this night. I went to sleep energized and for the first night in a several days, awoke without a panic attack.
Nowhere have I felt so special than in our close knit neighborhood combined with all of our special friends at our multiple work sites. I walked home with my wife somewhat rejeuvenated and was able to bring myself to start planning the tasks I needed to plan out for my treatment. Still physically drained by a month of pneumonia, however, I felt the ebb of my energy weigh down my newfound enthusiasm. Again, I slept with dark thoughts and again I awoke depressed but this time with a superimposed feeling of super anxiety. Asleep, awake, asleep, awake, the cycle continued. Finally it was time to pick up the kids from school. After that, we went to a Jamba Juice where I enjoyed my first shot of liquid wheat grass. A little late to eat healthier? Maybe but what have I got to lose.
A repeat of the prior day with the kids activities and then home again to depression when alone or with nothing else to preoccupy my thoughts. That night, I received a call from Dr. Michael Rimlawi regarding a business venture. Promising news meant nothing to me. As he finished his dialogue, I thought of just acknowledging the news and hanging up. I didn't want him to share my misery. I wasn't sure I should tell anyone else. In the end, as my friend, I felt he deserved to know.
"Mike, I have cancer. Lung cancer."
"What??? Are you *****ing kidding me? How?"
"Mike, I have stage IV lung cancer. I'm really tired and depressed."
"Norm, you know we have all appreciated everything you have done for us and I can't believe this is happening! You know if there is anything I can do for you, you have it! Norm, I can't believe this is happening!"
"Trust me neither can I. You remember how I was berating my brother for giving me pneumonia, well today, I called him and thanked him for giving me pneumonia. He asked me why and I told him, otherwise I wouldn't have found out that I have cancer. He asked me if he was supposed to feel happy or sad and I told him happy because otherwise I would have never found out about it."
Thoughtful and wonderful promises of support followed and we concluded our conversation with me feeling happy to have great friends.
Perhaps 30 minutes later, another special friend, Dr. Douglas Won, called me upset, emotional, and stunned with the news. I felt bad not calling him these two days, but I had no desire to spread my confusion, anger, sadness, and depression.
"Hey Norm, I just heard the news. I'm stunned, I can't believe this! It's not fair! Norm, we're going to beat this mother******! Don't give up! You are going to be here for years and we're going to look back on this time and laugh about what we thought was the end! You've gotta fight! You can't quit! I love you and I won't let you quit! You have a beautiful family that needs you and you need to be there for the rest of their lives!"
"Doug, I will fight, but I need you and everyone else that I know to promise me to take care of themselves. IF there is one thing GOOD that comes from this, I want to know that all of my family and friends are taking the time to rest, spend time with family, friends, and loved ones, and aren't driving themselves into the grave. No one goes to the grave wishing they had worked a few more days. I need you to promise me that you will REST and take care of yourself. I promise you I will fight."
"You better fight! I'm going to call you every morning, every day. I'm here for you my brother. I'm here to see you through this! Fight! Don't give up! I won't let you do that!"
"I will fight, but I need you to promise me, Doug, that you and Miso will take care of my family if I can't beat this. I need to know that my kids will have a mentor and father figure to look up to and that they will never want for something they need. Promise me that."
"I promise you that. Your kids are my kids. Your family is my family. I will take care of them, I promise you, but you are going to beat this! You are going to kick cancer's ass!"
"I will fight. Today has been the best day of my life and all I did was take time off and walk with my wife outside to a coffee shop holding her hand, listening to the wind rustling the leaves of our neighborhood red oaks. Isn't it amazing how wonderful things are when we actually take time out of our hectic lives to actually enjoy the simple pleasures! You have to promise me Doug that you will do that. I can't go to the grave knowing my friends are following me down the wrong path!"
"I promise you my brother! We're going to fight this! Don't give up!"
"I won't. Take care of yourself Doug."
It's amazing what you can remember in life's most emotional moments. I told my wife who I had spoken to and what promises I had made. I intend to keep them. Miso would later tell me that Doug was so affected with the news that it took him some time to compose himself to make the call to me this night. I went to sleep energized and for the first night in a several days, awoke without a panic attack.
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