It has been a good weekend. Some nausea and some weakness from the chemo but all in all beatable with good nausea medicines, ginger root, and strong cups of coffee.
A friend of ours asked my wife and I how we could continue to live as normally as we have and how we could smile and joke around as we always do with each other, the kids, and our friends. She wondered if we were in denial and needed to have counseling, a thought shared by some of my professional peers as well. We thought long and hard about that question and my wife's response best summarizes our attitude:
"If I knew or even felt that crying would melt away my husband's tumors, I would cry every second of every day. The fact is that it won't so why do I want to feel sad and show him sadness when he needs me to be upbeat and happy for him?" Likewise, I do not feel it is necessary to express sadness, despair, and hopelessness when I see my family and friends, especially since I want to see them happy, which in turn makes me truly happy.
Do I feel sad and occasionally hopeless each day? Certainly. To say otherwise is to deny the reality that I am fighting a battle every single second of every day to live, thrive, and enjoy the moments I want to feel with my family and friends. While most people can simply change clothes and go out and enjoy the moment, I have to push my body to exercise to build energy and momentum for the day, ensure I have taken the right medications and done the right exercises for my breathing, test the sore spots of my body for too much wear and tear, eat frequent small meals, then determine if I can honestly make it to an event. It can be overwhelming, but when your back is truly against THE wall, you find the energy to push through it to make sure you aren't wasting precious time.
Yesterday was a challenge to say the least. One that I powered through with my wife's support but a challenge nonetheless. I attended the birthday dinner and party of my brother from another mother, Douglas Won. After a day collecting appropriate gifts for someone turning 40 years old (Depends, Preparation H, Extenze, etc.), it was fun to finally get the party started. In the process, our mutually close friend Michael Rimlawi graciously (foolishly?) allowed me to drive his new Lamborghini LP 640 Murcielago from the restaurant to the downtown Dallas W Hotel. I might have broken the speed limit once or twice or 7 times in third gear. Another memorable moment that I wouldn't have gotten to enjoy if I had wallowed in misery at home.
I was able to enjoy a couple of hours of fun with great friends and see the mother of all belly dances given by a truly gifted dancer to the birthday boy. Even my wife had to admit, she was talented.
So to return to the point of the post, what do I truly have to be sad about when I can still enjoy great times and great dreams with great people in a great environment? I am truly blessed to know each and every friend that I have in this world and I can only imagine my life getting better from this point on now that I have finally started to treat and fight my cancer. Long overdue but at the forefront of my efforts.
Don't let the little setbacks and irritations of the day roll all over you. You will be the better person when those bumps no longer knock you off your pathway. Don't let them distract you from seeing and enjoying the fragrances of all the flowers of life that surround you.
A friend of ours asked my wife and I how we could continue to live as normally as we have and how we could smile and joke around as we always do with each other, the kids, and our friends. She wondered if we were in denial and needed to have counseling, a thought shared by some of my professional peers as well. We thought long and hard about that question and my wife's response best summarizes our attitude:
"If I knew or even felt that crying would melt away my husband's tumors, I would cry every second of every day. The fact is that it won't so why do I want to feel sad and show him sadness when he needs me to be upbeat and happy for him?" Likewise, I do not feel it is necessary to express sadness, despair, and hopelessness when I see my family and friends, especially since I want to see them happy, which in turn makes me truly happy.
Do I feel sad and occasionally hopeless each day? Certainly. To say otherwise is to deny the reality that I am fighting a battle every single second of every day to live, thrive, and enjoy the moments I want to feel with my family and friends. While most people can simply change clothes and go out and enjoy the moment, I have to push my body to exercise to build energy and momentum for the day, ensure I have taken the right medications and done the right exercises for my breathing, test the sore spots of my body for too much wear and tear, eat frequent small meals, then determine if I can honestly make it to an event. It can be overwhelming, but when your back is truly against THE wall, you find the energy to push through it to make sure you aren't wasting precious time.
Yesterday was a challenge to say the least. One that I powered through with my wife's support but a challenge nonetheless. I attended the birthday dinner and party of my brother from another mother, Douglas Won. After a day collecting appropriate gifts for someone turning 40 years old (Depends, Preparation H, Extenze, etc.), it was fun to finally get the party started. In the process, our mutually close friend Michael Rimlawi graciously (foolishly?) allowed me to drive his new Lamborghini LP 640 Murcielago from the restaurant to the downtown Dallas W Hotel. I might have broken the speed limit once or twice or 7 times in third gear. Another memorable moment that I wouldn't have gotten to enjoy if I had wallowed in misery at home.
I was able to enjoy a couple of hours of fun with great friends and see the mother of all belly dances given by a truly gifted dancer to the birthday boy. Even my wife had to admit, she was talented.
So to return to the point of the post, what do I truly have to be sad about when I can still enjoy great times and great dreams with great people in a great environment? I am truly blessed to know each and every friend that I have in this world and I can only imagine my life getting better from this point on now that I have finally started to treat and fight my cancer. Long overdue but at the forefront of my efforts.
Don't let the little setbacks and irritations of the day roll all over you. You will be the better person when those bumps no longer knock you off your pathway. Don't let them distract you from seeing and enjoying the fragrances of all the flowers of life that surround you.
Hey Dr Wu...first of all, tell your wife THANK YOU for the beautiful card you guys sent me...it means so much to me. You don't know, though, how much more I wish I could do for you guys!! CONGRATS on your "little friend"...I think you should name him. First of all, are ports boys or girls? Seems, if you think about it, that your port is female...hahahahaha! (So BAD) I think your port should be named something like "Jasmine". (That was my husband's suggestion) I wonder if other people name their ports? I have a friend that always names her vehicles...and I've always named mine. My Lexus is named Amy BECAUSE, on my husband's favorite show "Top Gear", Jeremy Clarkson was driving some awesome supercar and named the GPS voice "Amy". My GPS has a female voice, and so my husband always calls it "Amy".
ReplyDeleteMy husband, Patrick, is a HUGE car freak, as I told you at THHBP. So, I love reading your blog to him about all of your car driving experiences...the Maserati, the Murcielago! Every time he sees a car out in public he HAS to tell me the exact name of it...the type of engine...how much horsepower...etc. Currently he's rebuilding the engine of his 89 Porsche 928 GT. It's in pieces in our garage. He's actually got a blog about it...mostly pics. www.porsche911snightmare.blogspot.com
Prayers for you as you continue in your journey through chemo. I saw one of your coworkers at THHBP who updated me on your negative markers (BOOOO) and your port. He was worried about your "realism"...JUST like you talked about!! Your wife's and your explanation of your overt positiveness was beautiful, I actually printed it out to keep close and read. You are both amazing people and you inspire me. HUGS...Tari Anne
Tari Anne, sounds like your husband is a workhorse to be able to take apart and rebuild an 89 Porsche 928 GT.
ReplyDeleteRealism to one person can be totally different to another. It boils down to a predilection towards optimism or pessimism. I have always been an optimist and so my realism is always going to tilt toward positivity and optimism.