Still here. 8o)

A blessed good afternoon to everyone,

I am still here.  As I sit through my second dose of chemo, I finally have time to update the blog.  The last 7 days have been a bit hectic as I sift through a LOT of paperwork.  Also went back to home base, UT Southwestern to give a lecture about life and being prepared for the unexpected.  It was great to see SO MANY familiar faces and many old friends.  I am amazed at the progress of the program and glad to see that the program is still going strong.  Good to see that a large number of the faculty I trained under were still there.  It was supposed to be a short morning Grand Rounds but I ended up not leaving until almost two hours after the completion of the time allotted.

I was also touched to hear from a resident whose brother is also going through advanced cancer at a much younger age than mine.  I hoped that my message and advice provided them with a framework with which to attack this disease and condition and most importantly, provided the family with the concept of NOT treating him as a terminally ill patient.  Who knows what could happen in the next few years.  New treatments are exploding onto the cancer scene.  He may outlive his family or at the very least live a long, productive, and fulfilling life.  The important thing to provide the positive thoughts, words, and prayers that all of you have done for me, on a daily basis.  Family members of cancer patients should not and cannot treat the person as a patient.  He or she is still the same family member you always have known and should be treated as such.

The fear of death every cancer patient experiences even for just a few moments, cannot be reinforced by the words and actions of those surrounding him or her.  It needs to be stomped out because how can you enjoy life, however long or short, if you are always fretting about when your time will be up?  Having had my near death/real death experience, I want to reassure everyone I meet that there is life after death.  I now understand what people that experience near/real death mean when they say they no longer worry about what happens after death.  They saw it.  They were there.  They were no longer afraid.  It is incredibly reassuring.  It should also serve as a warning to those who would hurt others for money, personal gain, or greed in general.  Do you want to see the Elysian Fields version of Heaven I saw or do you want to see pitchforks and fire?  If more people feared the consequences of their bad actions in life, the whole world would be a better place.  At least a lot more quiet.

In the interim, I have been working hard to get into better physical shape and trying to stay on the straight and narrow on my meds and my vitamins.  There are so many of them that you sometimes get overwhelmed remembering what you have and haven't taken each time.

Aside from that, I feel more positive and enthusiastic than ever.  Physical issues aside, I am determined to remain a positive influence on those around me and I am hoping in the near future to make an announcement that will show what hard work, generosity, and networking with like-minded individuals can accomplish.  I hope that our work will show what can be accomplished in a relatively short amount of time and how the work can make our community better and even more generous in every way.

I was very excited to hear that one of my neighbors had decided to start a cycling team with my name under Lance Armstrong's LiveStrong Foundation!  I have made it my goal to get into good enough shape to at least ride a short distance with the team.  May have to break out the training wheels though.  If and when that happens, I will let everyone know when our first race will be.  Thankfully, through the generosity of Del Jantzen and his obviously better half, Ellie, I have a new bike at an incredible discount that I can ride in a race.  I also now know why they call these modern bikes, NUTCRACKERS.

Once again, I hope everyone is enjoying a beautiful and blessed day and don't forget to smile and laugh with your loved ones and share your happiness and joy with everyone.

A Title For Dallas

I can't believe I have lived long enough to see the Dallas Mavericks finally win an NBA championship!  What a great evening with my wife and younger son after dropping off the older one in Austin for the University of Texas swim camp.

Watching the series between the Mavericks and Heat reminded me of how important true teammates and true teamwork is for all endeavors.  No one outside of the Mavericks faithful expected the Mavericks to win.  The Heat had more of the one name stars:  DWade, Lebron, Bosh.  The Mavs?  Dirk (or maybe it should be LeDirk, or ReDirkulous, or LeDirkulous).  But what I found most heartening is that the Mavericks won with a team of focused contributors who went beyond any perceived physical limitations and displayed what true teamwork can accomplish in the face of adversity and supposed insurmountable odds.

Every player on the Mavericks team was a vital contributor to the championship in at least one game.  EVERY SINGLE PLAYER.  Who would have thought Ian Mahinmi would have been crucial in providing rebounds, defense, and even 4 points in last night's game in so few minutes of play?  Before the playoffs, who would have bet good money that J.J. Barea would have been a contender for series MVP?  Who would have thought Peja Stojakovic still had some movement in his legs and could still fire off key, clutch 3 pointers?  Who is Brian Cardinal?  No, seriously, who is Brian Cardinal???

Like Rick Carlisle, I too am relying on a team effort to beat my insurmountable/unbeatable odds against cancer.  I am relying on every doctor, nurse, technician, family member, friend, and the unknown faithful to help push me through the battles.  There have been some big bumps early, but I have faith that my path is still clear to me and that everyone around me will keep me focused and lead, push, or drag me to the right choices and the finish line.

No one can build a dream, a champion, a full life, or a winner against cancer without THE team.  The Mavericks have shown that it isn't about age, how high you jump, how many times you dunk, how many tattoos you have, or how many bad commercials you make.  They have shown how a group of humble and relatively unknown individuals can put aside their differences and focus on the elements that make them function as one cohesive and nearly unstoppable unit.  When you look back at the recent spate of NBA champions and you see teams with multiple stars like Kobe, Shaq, Rondo, Allen, etc., it should amaze you that a team like the Mavericks with some proven but aging veterans and a 6 time all star player with 13 years in the league, was able to power their way through the playoffs and the Dream Team Heat.

Some times it really isn't about the stars, or the Benjamins, or the glitz and glamour.  Some times it truly is about determination, resiliency, and HEART.  I am beyond happy to have seen the Mavericks bring home the gold.  I am even more determined to match their determination, resiliency, and heart to bring back my life to the team that is my family, friends, and caregivers.

Have a great day, and SEE YOU AT THE PARADE!

Infusion Port is in

SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND!!!

BARD PowerPort is in place and finally, I don't have to get stuck a billion times in my arms and end up looking like a junkie.  Better not clot off.

Great job by Dr. David Fosdick (port site doesn't even hurt) and by Dr. Thomas Russell, who kept me very comfortable.

Hopefully can be back to work soon.

On Monday, I was able to speak to another cancer survivor, 3 years with my exact same cancer (even in the same primary location as well).  I was heartened to hear that he still works as a practicing interventional cardiologist and has not let his condition deter him from having fun in his life and continue to work.  What shocked me about his situation is that he was diagnosed stage IV at age 32.  So just when I thought I was the only one with the less than ideal luck situation, I find someone else with an even more unbelievable situation.  Puts everything into an even greater degree of perspective for myself and hopefully for anyone reading this blog.  Hopefully, it makes you realize that getting cut off in traffic, having something spilled on you, having an argument over who gets to take their break first, etc., really isn't that big of a deal.

Now, I want to find as many options as I can, not only for myself, but for the above gentleman and the others I have spoken with over the past two weeks to make sure all options are available.  The Lucanix vaccine trial looks promising:  It is a vaccine made of the 4 most common kinds of non-small cell lung adenocarcinoma which have been virally modified to be inactive but still immunogenic.  Very promising study that will be yet another option should I fail my current and future treatments.

I hope no one is baking in the near 100 degree heat outside and hope everyone is having a great day.

Thoughts From the Weekend

It has been a good weekend.  Some nausea and some weakness from the chemo but all in all beatable with good nausea medicines, ginger root, and strong cups of coffee.

A friend of ours asked my wife and I how we could continue to live as normally as we have and how we could smile and joke around as we always do with each other, the kids, and our friends.  She wondered if we were in denial and needed to have counseling, a thought shared by some of my professional peers as well.  We thought long and hard about that question and my wife's response best summarizes our attitude:

"If I knew or even felt that crying would melt away my husband's tumors, I would cry every second of every day.  The fact is that it won't so why do I want to feel sad and show him sadness when he needs me to be upbeat and happy for him?"  Likewise, I do not feel it is necessary to express sadness, despair, and hopelessness when I see my family and friends, especially since I want to see them happy, which in turn makes me truly happy.

Do I feel sad and occasionally hopeless each day?  Certainly.  To say otherwise is to deny the reality that I am fighting a battle every single second of every day to live, thrive, and enjoy the moments I want to feel with my family and friends.  While most people can simply change clothes and go out and enjoy the moment, I have to push my body to exercise to build energy and momentum for the day, ensure I have taken the right medications and done the right exercises for my breathing, test the sore spots of my body for too much wear and tear, eat frequent small meals, then determine if I can honestly make it to an event.  It can be overwhelming, but when your back is truly against THE wall, you find the energy to push through it to make sure you aren't wasting precious time.

Yesterday was a challenge to say the least.  One that I powered through with my wife's support but a challenge nonetheless.  I attended the birthday dinner and party of my brother from another mother, Douglas Won.  After a day collecting appropriate gifts for someone turning 40 years old (Depends, Preparation H, Extenze, etc.), it was fun to finally get the party started.  In the process, our mutually close friend Michael Rimlawi graciously (foolishly?) allowed me to drive his new Lamborghini LP 640 Murcielago from the restaurant to the downtown Dallas W Hotel.  I might have broken the speed limit once or twice or 7 times in third gear.  Another memorable moment that I wouldn't have gotten to enjoy if I had wallowed in misery at home.

I was able to enjoy a couple of hours of fun with great friends and see the mother of all belly dances given by a truly gifted dancer to the birthday boy.  Even my wife had to admit, she was talented.

So to return to the point of the post, what do I truly have to be sad about when I can still enjoy great times and great dreams with great people in a great environment?  I am truly blessed to know each and every friend that I have in this world and I can only imagine my life getting better from this point on now that I have finally started to treat and fight my cancer.  Long overdue but at the forefront of my efforts.

Don't let the little setbacks and irritations of the day roll all over you.  You will be the better person when those bumps no longer knock you off your pathway.  Don't let them distract you from seeing and enjoying the fragrances of all the flowers of life that surround you.

Finally!

Today is the day my fight against cancer officially begins!  Chemo gets started in a few minutes and I am more than ready to get this party started.  Feeling good physically today, minus the permanent cough.  Have met more people that have beat lung cancer and want to keep that positive feeling going.

I am amazed at the number of people that have fought this fight and succeeded.  Each story I hear heartens me and makes me realize that I am truly just beginning my journey.  I hope to continue a positive pathway physically and as for mentally, all of your prayers and words of support and encouragement have kept my spirits high no matter what strange situations I have had to encounter.

Enjoy a beautiful day outside and I thank you all for your support!

News That Could Have Been Better

Genetics back today.  Of course EGFR AND EML4-ALK negative.  Double whammy, no love.  Here comes the time for chemo and then surgery.

Just when I thought my luck was turning around, another comet to the forehead.

Still, doesn't mean I'm giving up.  Just means fight took a wrong and totally unexpected turn.  Should have been candidate for Tarceva or crizotinib, but instead two strikes.